Why do I attract these losers? Seriously! This sucks!I just want them all to leave me be. The guys I want don't want me and the ones that actually want me I'm not the slightest bit interested in! I just want to move away and start over. Take risks and meet ppl! But for now just...just...STAY THE HELL AWAY FROM ME!

I fucking haven't slept in days. I've tried. Nothing helps. Why try.

Sara's party is on Saturday. I'm going. Curt's making porch climber. It's going to be a bloody good time. But I told Sara that if she leaves me I get bored and if I look bored I look vulnerable and some guy will try to pick me up! That is why I'm not drinking alot. I might get drunk but whatever. Which saddens me cuz Curtis's porch climber is so good! But thats the thing...Curtis! and Corey! My cousins are going to be there and I just want to make a good impression. I don't want them to think poorly of me! I can't mess up any more of my family!

My best friend is in Germany and I can't deal with stuff right now. I guess it doesn't matter because talking about it doesn't help. This is the first time I've realy not wanted a relationship. I'm so happy I'm single right now.

I'm watching a movie, going to get a salad and not paying attantion. k bye.

*Boys suck, throw rocks at them*

Mood: bitchy

So update...hmm. Went shopping friday with Meg, went to the hospital and found out I'm healthy, went shopping Saturday with Natalie, drank and watched movies Saturday night...told David I was taking him as my date to parties in the summer while I was buzzed, David said OK! Haha Natalies room smelled soo much like booze when my mom came to pick me up. She didn't say anything about it but DEFINITELY told my dad. Want to know what my dad did? He bought me coolers on the way up to cloyne when mom wasn't there. Dad's cool like that. Here comes the rough part.

We were suppose to have a nice family WEEK (which ultimately turned into a DAY). Cheryl and Dan were suppose to bring the kids to our place saturday night, then sunday morning we'd drop our stuff off at Nanny's and head over to Aunt Cindy and Doug's place to see Jesse AND Zach (Zach has been at a "camp" and I haven't seen him in over a year). It just kept getting post-poned till the plan was to go up monday night. Monday morning Mom got a call saying my Uncle was in the hospital and is in serious condition. That fucked up our plans, not to mentioned a whole bunch of family stuff...sigh. So we ended up going to cloyne for a day without my mother, who is now in the hospital waiting room for her 3rd or 4th day, I've lost the will to count.

I don't even know how my uncle is. He kept getting better and better since he was admitted. Then this morning everything went to shit and mom said he wasn't good, which would be the doctor's fault! I don't want to explain it. I'm just affraid for them, the whole family, and him as well.

Then Zach...wow. I don't even know where to begin. He's changed so much. But he's still there, I can still see the old Zach in him (which I thought I had lost when I alked to him on the phone at christmas). He's just so calm and older looking. He convinced me to have a steak for dinner, then we both sat at the table and ate our steak and later got together with Mitch and jess and talked about the old cottage life. but he wasn't loud or obnoxious. He was...it was just wierd.

Life has been wierd lately.

Mood: blank

I need something to believe in because the world is going down the drain. There's nothing anymore. There's nothing in christianity I believe in or would ever give into but I'm really affraid I'm going to collapse into the reaching grasps of Aglicanism. They have been after me all my life and being eightteen I feel I have finally grown into my own person but...I don't know who I am or who I want to be! Maybe I should just give in and relearn. They'd be ever so fucking pleased to finially snag me. It's ridiculous. And now Poppy isn't well and I feel even more obligated to go to them! Where do I look to for guidance!? Give me a fucking sign!

I believed in nature and that the true purpose on this Earth was to care for it, protect it. Live and get along with it. Everything has a scientific background and if it can't be explained it's because it hasn't been or can't be explored anymore. But what is the world coming to? We know things are bad for the planet. We shake our heads in shame of causing so much damage. We are sad the rainforest is disappearing but what does anyone do after a thought like that? They go on with their day. They throw recyclable items into the garbage, they dispose of harsh chemicals blindly down the sink, they pay for their neighbor to come over and shoot the harmless raccoon out of their tree and they don't get involved or do anything to make a goddamn difference. It drives me nuts! So why bother! Why do I bother even trying to make a difference? The world is just going to go to hell anyways (and I can't even believe in hell!).

Why do we care if there are a million cats running around? Do you know what they do in Italy? They LET them run around! There are stray little kittens running around on every beach and you know what the Italians most likely do not have? Overflowing shelters! They don't walk around the beach capturing cats and kittens just to euthenize them! Cats were once wild you know. Everything was. So a dog you are iffy about that you don't know if you can trust? Instead of euthenizing it why not take it deep into the woods, take the collar off and set it free. frig. I'm just pissed now and these thoughts are making sense to me. Why does Euthenasia have to be the answer to everything? It should be the answer for the suffering. You don't Euthenize Cougars or wolves do you? No you don't. Crazy dogs just want to be wild. Let them be wild. If it becomes a problem then you can take them to the clinic. Let free cats roam free and wild dogs be wild.

Plus! I was told yesterday by a good friend of mine that you have to sign a billion papers to adopt a pet at the humane society. Yes there should be some background check but NOT that intense. That is doing nothing to help our shelters. Check if the household corresonds to the animals behaviour, then check if they have a history of animal abuse. Good to go.

I need a drink. I feel so unloved today. Whats wrong with me...You don't even deserve a quote.

Mood: frustrated

Want to know one of the reasons that I and you should watch American Idol? To see Paula Abdul plastered on National television every week. Seriously! Seriously...Is that chick EVER sober?? She could hardly stand last night and she kept blabbering and slurring her words

"Know what I think? I think...I I I think..I think" I'm like "Oh just say it Paula! 'I think..... I'M A LITTLE BIT TIPSY!' "

I'ts simply hilarious. This guy was on stage and she started clapping, shes like "I loooove you! I I Looooooove yooou!! huh huh ha"
Then she tried to stand up, stumbled, hit simon and said "SIMON! I THINK, WELL YOU KNOW, KNOW WHAT I THINK? I THINK.................you're a stupid face" and sat down. I was like what??a stupid face? Oh good one Paula, BURN......??? Seriously...Shes always plastered.

Omg! I'm loading a video on youtube.com If you're not going to watch American Idol at least load this video. It's Paula on Good morning Seattle or something. The point is it's a morning show and shes wose then I've ever seen her! She laughs at nothing, to herself, then starts twitching like shes on crack. WOW...She cracks me up.

*pffft, American Idol...The show with that black guy who recently went gangster, the British jerk, and that Porto Rican chick thats always wasted!* - Some comedian guy

Mood: amused

That show cracks me up. The boy was making Jesus jokes while Bernie is all hardcore catholic.
Boy: "Jesus is like a clown"
Bernie: "Hey now wait, People love Jesus, and nobody likes clowns"
Boy: "ya but Jesus did magic tricks!"
Bernie: "Jesus didn't do no magic tricks! He did miracles like turning water to wine and bringing ppl back from the dead."
Boy: *Takes a cup with water in it* "Look uncle Bernie..." *Pours water into another cup then tips it upside down and nothing comes out* I'm Jesus!"

That cracked me up.

Since this is a party holiday I would like to make a notice to the next party holiday:

I am told that St. Patricks Day falls on march break...whoa...lets hit a bar.

Or not, it will be so incredibly busy but still..whoa. I'm having a fuckin party or there better be a fuckin party that day because it's St. Patricks day!

I'm bored. My party should be here. Actually it's just me and Leanne and Jazmine, meh! I'm out. toodles.

His music is almost deliscious! Oh man. Songs you NEED to download: "Vultures", "Belief", and "Slow Dancing in A Burning Room"

Well I had a sexelent day...oh yes...I said sexelent. Just because I'm in an overly good mood. I got alot of attention today...for some reason because it's me and I never get attention. It was loverly. I think I was just loverly and radiant today. Sorry today is a bragging day, lol.

Joanna I saw you today and I yelled at you but you didn't hear me!! I work at Wal-mart...HELLO!!! Come freakin visit me darlin!

Well I didn't buy my laptop today. We're going to Toronto on the second so I'll look at some there. I'll go shopping with maximus and Gwace! So excited!

Hey Nat, are we still on for New years?

"My Dear, we're slow dancing in a burning room"

Mood: cheerful

Work was exceptionally good...because it was good with the exception of John. I don't know. He walked by me. Look directly at me. And didn't give me a hello or acknowlegement I was alive. WHAT THE FUCK DID I DO! Why? I don't understand any of this! Oh I need Ryan online RIGHT now because when he looked at me I almost fell to the floor and cried. This has been the hardest time without him. I can't believe he acts like I'm nobody to him for no fucking reason! I kept his secret...sort of. I forgave him. I talked to him when no one else would. I am such a good person why are you like this! You know you mean the world to me! There goes my ex-best guy friend....FUCK!

I'm so upset over that...but that guy just came online. So...is that a good sign? I'm affraid to talk to him. Thats horrible.

So...I made cookies and they turned out like shit! So I put icing on them and it was like sweet crappy cokies...blah!

*Customer Service- "attention customers...the store will be closng in ten minutes"
Ashley- "YYYYYYAAAAY!!"*

am I looking too much into this? am I over-reacting? should I be worried. Fuck Ryan where are you we need to talk. I should phone him...

Mood: pissed off

That was a blast. haha many memorable quotes like:

"Mom we're closing the door because we're making.........smoothies" - At midnight she lies liked clark kent!

Haha, we watched like three movies...but only half of each. Yep, it was fun. Oh the invention of a new drink (Which most likely already exists):

1 shot Peach Shnapps
1 cup lime ginger ale type stuff
1 tsp strawberry daquirri frozen stuff
crushed ice

mmmmmmmm so good! Arg! This Alexisonfire cd is so good but I can't go to the concert because of stupid work!! I'm thinking about trading shifts. I really would like to go but then again I don't have the money for it...I better not. I'll just enjoy the music from home *sigh*

"Sarah look at this guys profile! Under interests it says PORNOGRAPHY!"
"uh...Are you sure? I'm pretty sure it says Photography"
"ah, so it does..."

So, Natalie and I were also going through pictures and yeah, we definetly found pictures (or looked for pictures) of that guy...It made me all happy to see him again and sad that I don't think this really can work out at all and that I haven't even been able to talk to him. If he comes home for christmas, well we might be able to hang out...if he wants...I dunno. I was confident but this whole disappearing act has made me nervous.

I really miss him.

*Are the ducks locked up?!? Because I am not going in that barn if the ducks are not locked up!!!*

Mood: anxious

now...I was replyng to Sam's comment (if you read it then you'll understand this) and I realized that Justin is a whore. Even if you don't like him, please read the lyrics to this song. I felt like I was actually in the strip club watching Justin dance around on his dirty little stage.

Sexy Back

[Verse 1]
I’m bringing sexy back
Them other boys donno know how to act
I think your special whats behind your back
So turn around and ill pick up the slack.

Take em’ to the bridge

[Bridge]
Dirty babe
You see these shackles
Baby I’m your slave
I’ll let you whip me if I misbehave
It’s just that no one makes me feel this way

Take em' to the chorus

[Chorus]
Come here girl
Go ahead, be gone with it
Come to the back
Go ahead, be gone with it
VIP
Go ahead, be gone with it
Drinks on me
Go ahead, be gone with it
Let me see what you’re twerkin with
Go ahead, be gone with it
Look at those hips
Go ahead, be gone with it
You make me smile
Go ahead, be gone with it
Go ahead child
Go ahead, be gone with it
And get your sexy on
Go ahead, be gone with it

Get yo' sexy on
[Repeat 6 times]

Get yo' sexy on

[Verse 2]
I’m bringing sexy back
Them other fuckers don’t know how to act
Come let me make up for the things you lack
Cause your burning up I gotta get it fast

Take em’ to the bridge

[Bridge]

[Chorus]

[Verse 3]
I’m bringing sexy back
You mother fuckers watch how I attack
If that’s your girl you better watch your back
Cause she’ll burn it up for me and that’s a fact

Take em’ to the chorus

[Chorus]


Seriously, if you think about it, EVERY line is dirty! This post is misleading because I actually love this song but who does he think he is...Selling his music with sex...pfft. wanna be Diva whore.

Mood: amused

Do you know your ABC's?

A - Available: Yes
A - Age: 18
A - Annoyance: Emma crying to come inside, then immediately crying to go back out

B - Best Friends: Meghan and Sara
B - Bar: Haha Morgans home-made, back of the pick up bar...yes cloyne!
B - Birthday: July 13

C - Crush: oooh...well..I really don't know. NOBODY
C - Car: I wish
C - Cat: EMMA! and Olive I suppose

D - Dead Pet's Name: Kala
D - Dads Name: Chris
D - Dog: two years ago...

E - Easiest person to talk to: Sara!
E - Eggs: Are everywhere
E - Email: angel_eh22 and saraht_182

F - Favorite color? Green
F - Food: Feticcini
F - Foreign Slang: Haha "Get your stupid fucking rope" - quotes in Irish

G - Gummy Bears or Worms: bears
G - God: None
G - Good Time: Parties in Cloyne.. I miss you guys!

H - Hair Color: originally or now? very blonde/dark brown
H - Height: I AM FIVE FOOT! I measured myself in grade 11, yes I positive!
H - Happy: Today yes

I - Ice Cream: Strawberry
I - Instrument: To play: flute To listen to: acoustic guitar. Man can I fall for a guy with an acoustic guitar...I want John Mayor for christmas...he's actually on my list please.
I - Idol(s): ...John Mayor, Steve Irwin (seriously!)

J - Jewelery: My ring
J - Job: Walmart
J - Joke: "Don't be the boy, don't be the boy, don't be the boy......DOH!!"

K - Kids: Are cute, My nieghbours are monsters, I'm baking them cookies. two ADD's with sugar highs!
K - Karate: in 7th grade only, wha i hated him
K - Kung fu: Jet Li

L - Longest Car Ride: Two days (Florida)
L - Longest Relationship: Not very, apperently I'm not a "keeper"
L - Love: tortures me

M - Milk Flavour: La Chocolat
M - Mothers Name: Cynthia
M - Movie Last Watched: The end of Eight Below

N - Number of Siblings: 1
N - Northern or Southern: Northern
N - Name: Sarah

O - One Wish?: I wish that I have chosen the right path.
O - One Phobia? Orinthophobia (birds) (Robyn remember that time I made a scene at the beach?? fuuuuuck i hate birds
O - Otter Pop: HAHAHA!

P - Parents, are they married or divorced: Married
P - Part of your appearence you like best: My eyes
P - Part of your Personality you like best: I'm friendly...I guess

Q - Quote: "Don't dwell in the past, Do not dream of the future. Concentrate the mind on the present"
Q - Queen: Grand an exquisite.
Q - Quick or Slow?: depends

R - Reason to smile: Every word he says and his voice never fails
R - Reality TV Show: ...don't get me started
R - Right or Left: Right

S - Song Last Heard: Superman's Dead - OLP
S - Sex: Cosmopolitan

T - Time you woke up: 11:00 am
T - Time Now: 11:18 pm
T - Time for bed: Not yet

U - Unknown Fact about me: I still cry over Kala and Nanny
U - Unicorns?: Are a beautful and possible fantasy...onl they wouldn't fly or come in purple
U - U are?: In need of a place to dispose of some drinks, and crushing on the uncrushable

V - Vegetable you hate: broccoli
V - Vegetable you love: cooked Asparagus and red peppers in dip
V - View on Politics: I honestly liked chretian, I don't care what you say

W- Worst Habits: Being angry and emotional
W- Where are you going to travel next?: Florida or Ottawa
W- Weight: I think I'm subconsiously anorexic! Today I actually FORGOT to eat!! How do you just forget! Dad asked if I was hungry, I'm like "well..I guess I am a bit...Did I fuckin eat today? OMG!"

X - X-Rays: Seem dagerous but positive
X - X-Rated Porn: Haggard
X - X-xtra special someone?: Is too busy for me, but it still an amazing person. But I think I've moved on. I'm so sorry hunny

Y - Year you were born: 1988
Y - Year it is now: 2006
Y - Yellow?: Simpsons

Z - Zoo Animal: Cougar. Powerful
Z - Zodiac: Cancer
Z- Zoolander: AMAZING! Sam, go see it NOW!

Mood: peaceful

I told mom I hated her today...not for the irst time either.
Actually, I told her that the reason I scream all the time and that everything she does is wrong is because "I fucking hate her", my exact words. Then I followed them with a panic attack and what I'm pretty sure was a near heart attack because my chest hurt and I couldn't breathe. Why am I like this...WHY THE FUCK IS SHE LIKE THIS!

Let me set the scene. I have a huge head ache, I am trying to sleep. I have one hour till I have to get up. She is taking out the recycling. The front door is right next to my bedroom. 7:00AM instead of lightly slightly shutting the door she slams it everytime she comes in and out to get the boxes. so I run out to ask her was she feels COMPELLED to SLAM the door every single time. She starts screaming at me because I always yell at her and everything she does is wrong. Thats when I follow (in gasps of breath) that its because I fucking hate her and before I move I will indeed have the heart attack she is forcing on me. FUCK! It's like that ALL THE TIME!

It's true, everything she does really is wrong. I don't know how I feel anymore. You're suppose to love family and I don't hate her but I can't say that I love her...cuz I don't think I do. I don't like nanny, I don't like her, and I do not like myself...but I am NOT her.

I hate home. I want to go to work. They yell at me sometimes but it's not home. I'm really close to yelling something to mom that will really break her heart...Something dad told me as kind of a funny true fact about myself. I shouldn't though. I'm going to keep it inside. I shouldn't even type it. It's mean, but true. Worse then I hate you.

*You hate everything about me. Then why do you still love me*

Mood: furious

...then why was I so depressed...Oh well! I won't talk of that, I was in a funk but terribly happy. Not about anything in specific. just happy.

I officially love work...I won't say why...just that I do!!
Innocent flirting is good...very good, it cheers me up! Headaches and McDonalds bring me down...CURSE YOU RONALD!

I worked with Tasha and Ashley. I never get to work with them! With Tasha and I its always a riot! Ashley and I just laugh about stupid things ppl do. fun fun! Thats not why my day was good though. Ash got there like an hour before I had to go and tasha was so far away!

Then Leanne and her "friend" Paul picked me up after work. Then we went to the legion to leannes mothers work. That was ok. Paul insisted that I was unhappy and he tried to get me drunk. I'm like HELLO...JUST took tylonol! It was funny. Then we had a pretty intense talk about leanne. I told him to change his act because Leanne wouldn't date him wth all his shit (fyi: I just met Paul last night, haha. I'm harsh). And hes going to shave his awful goatee cuz I told him to even though Leanne likes it..whahaha, I so have him whipped. He does what I say cuz hes crazy about her (i can tell) and I'm like the "little sister" as he puts it. He even slept on the couch and sacrificed a bed for me...whahaha. I'm so terrible.

so...that guy...I saw someone who reminded me of him and then at the legion everyone sucked at dancing and it reminded me of him again (poor guy,I love his dancing!! It makes me laugh when I'd usually be embarassed, like at prom. what a sweety). Thats why I was in a funk but I shook it off.
I had a good day. Nervous guy at work talked to me. haha hes adorable. One day when we both closed he walked past me and mumbled goodbye. I was like "whoa! what the hell!" I didn't say it but I thought it. haha progress. I want to befriend him. Haha and pick him up and shake him, hes so cute.

*I am NOT going to be up there when Justin Timberlake comes on!* -Mike, he wa our DJ. you're my hero! I was so right about Timberlake!

Mood: content

OH MY GOD! I just downloaded Chasing Cars by Snow Patrol...I forgot how intensly sad that moment was. 40 million ppl listened to that song at that moment. Grey's Anatomy, season finally of last season. Possibly one of, if not THE saddest moment in television! They didn't pick a sad sad song to play, they didn't have Izzy cry, they didn't need to. It was just so perfect. She runs into the room with her prom dress on, all happy to see her fiance...and Dnny is dead. She just curls up in that tiny hospital bed beside him. Now everytime I hear the sng 'm so sad! But I love it!

GREY'S ANATOMY IS THE GREATEST!!

*If I lay here...If I ust lay here, would you lie with me and just forget the world.*

ps- I SOLD I CHILD TODAY!! haha his father wanted to buy shoes he put on the kd, so I had to scan the kid on the belt, haha. Hes like "15 bucks? Well thats the cheapst child I've ever bought!"

Mood: a happy sad

Sam...how...how could you?

Mis-shapen head?? I just...I don't know what to say. I feel so betrayed.

Fine...That settles it...I shall change my picture...I hope you're happy.




Actually I have been meaning to change it...*sigh*

I am not spending anymore money. This is fucking rediculous. My account is all over the lace and...nope, no more, thats all. I will buy mom a christmas gift and I'm done...Well maybe I'll pay for college applications...seriously! ...seriously...this is so retarded. I hate worrying about money.

Know what I hate more? Old guys that hit on you...SO DISTURBING! This guy came threw the till and was like "hey beautiful, whats up?" ummmmmmmmmmmmmm creepy! So when he went to leave he's like "here's a dollar, buy yourself some coffee" So I gave it to the next person in line. Haha, I think she felt bad but I didn't want it...It's something I learned at Aragain. We were always given tips and we weren't allowed to keep them, they had to go into this general tip jar. Haha, especially Dereck. He liked to bribe us with tips. Aw I miss Dereck! And Jason...And CODY! Aw man, that kid had the BEST bad pick-up lines!! frig. I miss that guy!

*I like the white meat!! ;) * - Drunk Cody trying to hit on me while I'm working. Needless to say I was stuck looking after hit the entire night. Holy Christ that boy pukes alot.
*Hunny...you have no tolerance* - Sober me talking to puking STILL drunk Cody five hours later.

I love Americans!! They can't drink!

Mood: chipper

I almost hit a van yesterday, then almost hit a squirrel...then a FUCKING COW if you'll believe it! I was driving along, minding my own business and it casually walked into the woods infront of me.

GODDAMN PPL KEEP YOUR ANIMALS LOCKED UP for frig sake!

I almost hit Ryans goddamn cat the other night. If I hit a squirrel, the world will go on with a very upset girl. If I hit a cat, MING for heaven sake, that would just be the end of my driving days now wouldn't it? I wonder if they take refunds on licences...


*HEY! I'm sorry but she's really little and you're HURTING her!* - Greys Anatomy (Izzy)


*WHAT FUCK THE!!!! I'm so confused* - Sam!

Mood: blank

*Talking about my friend she calls "cute _________". He is quite cute*

Mom- "There's another one...Who was that cute guy at your comencement?"
Me- "Um I dunno"
Mom- "Yes you do! He looks like Tom Cruise!"
Me- "WHAT! There's a cute guy at my school that looks like Tom Cruise and I am not aware! When did this happen?"
Mom- "Well, who is he?"
Me- "Describe him"
Mom- "Well, I dunno, short hair, medium hieght...He sat by your friend Sydney."
Me- "I dunno who sat by Syd"
Mom- "No I mean Joanna!"
Me- "SMITTY!?!"

*Tonight when I got home I showed mom the pic of Joanna with Smitty sitting beside her*

Mom- "Hey! Thats him!!"
Me- "Oh...my...god"

Mood: shocked

Emma is sick. It's making me frightened. I am not ready for another sick animal. She's not herself. Shes not eating, shes not drinking, she just lies there all day and night. I just sat with her for half an hour trying to get her to eat and drink. I used tricks, she did a bit. When she drank you could just TELL she was dehydrated. I'm thinking its something to do with her teeth. Mom thinks its her stomach but I would say teeth.

THis morning I called the vet and Dr. Lekey (sp?) was the only one on duty. So she said shed call back and she did. She started talking to me but didn't understand what I meant, its really hard to describe on the phone. I'm like "Put Sherry on the phone...I WANT SHERRY!!"

Sherry is my vet. She is..I just have SO much trust and faith in her! I owe her so much it isn't even funny! Not money, I mean like my life! She gave my diabetic, hepeletic blind dog like FIVE more years!! She saved my cats life last year!! I just cannot explain how much she means to my family and she knows it! I'm sorry, I don't mean to offend anyone but she is the best vet ever. She even sent a letter of sympathy to my family when we had to put Kala down. I now that Richmond vet is really great, I've seen it first hand, but I would never switch my vet. She's so great. I want to take Emma to see her. She freakin saved Olive's life even though she terrified the whole clinic! Olive's nasty when shes scared.

I'm really nervous because I have to work omorrow and I don't want to leave Emma alone. I'm sooo glad that I only have 4-5 hour shifts this week so I can be home taking care of her.

She seems more lively that I got her to drink a bit...but how long will that last. I'll try again in the morning. She's scaring me! I almost cried on the phone with the other vet! Emma's my baby!

Oh frig, I really need to talk to him. Maybe this is what he meant by email if I ever need to talk. Oh what to say.

*Even the angels are losing sleep, and the all sidewalks are bare*

Mood: worried

He's...so...wow. There's no one like him. I hope it goes somewhere. I have that feeling like I'm not alone again. It's nice. It makes me unsad that I'm not thinkng of anyone but him and...wow. If it were me he was thinking about, I would be the happiest person alive.

*So mesmerizing, so hypnotizing. I am captivated. I am vindicated.*

Mood: crushing